What A Difference 10 Months Make…

In February I wrote a post called An Honest Look Into My 20s.

In that post I talked about how my 20’s were a mesh pot of a depletion of self confidence, love, loss and depression.

I spent the last years of my 20’s trying to find a reason to keep going, taking each day as it came.

I’m now sitting here in January 2019 confidently and proudly typing that, with help, I fought through depression!

I never thought this day would come and I am unashamedly relishing it all!

I prayed so hard for this for near 5 years and now I am here!

Out of everyone who beared with me during the last few years I have to say a special thank you to Giulia. I don’t think she will ever really understand and comprehend how much she helped me and how important she has been in my life. Giulia listened without judgment to everything I told her. She never made me feel bad, she never assumed, she just listened and advised me to explore more of my thoughts and I thank God so much for her as I do not think I would be around now if it wasn’t for her.

Therapy really is a live saver and I would recommend it to all.

Even if you feel it’s not working right away, give it time and make sure you’re comfortable. If you are not happy with your therapist, let them know, I did and I that’s how I met Giulia. I know it may feel difficult to speak up, if it is, ask someone you trust to speak for you, but know you’re entitled to a place where you feel comfortable to talk.

Now, newly into 2019, I sit here thinking – what’s next?

Good question!

The thing with depression is it strips away normal things likes goals, excitement, visions of the future, many things we take for granted so when you do fight your way out of it, it feels all parts sickeningly daunting, exciting and new.

It’s almost like learning how to live your own life again!

If I’m being 100% honest with you all, there is still that little voice at the back of mind telling me not to bother trying new things, not to trust my instinct, not to branch out and over everything not to leave my comfort zone but thank God that voice is much much quieter now.

So I’m beginning 2019 with small but hopeful baby steps.

Baby steps because the old me would have wanted to jump in both feet first, without plans, goals, thought processes and expect the best and whilst that worked sometimes, it’s not a sustainable way of life that I can live by anymore because to put it short, it was extremely harmful to me. In the end, I found myself flailing for air on several occasions, blindly making thoughtless decisions resulting in the crushing weight of anxiety and disappointment, until I became too scared to jump at all for risk of failure.

I’ve now finally learned I need to put in the work to help me. Emotionally, spiritually and physically. In all aspects of my life, I need to adult but in the Natalie way.

This means doing things I never liked or thought about doing such as making tangible plans and goals, writing more, scheduling, being honest with myself, organising myself – just generally putting in the work behind the scenes.

I’m not going to lie, I’m kinda dreading this as I’ve never been one for organisation and planning but I really do think it’s key for my progression and like I said, baby steps.

So, this is just my lil update. I would like to share more but I’m definitely one for keeping a few things to myself for now.

Just know that life is good for me, I’m feeling great, I’m optimistic and I’m planning!

2019 really feels like a special year!

Before I sign out, I want to say a big thank you to you -YES, YOU!

Thank you for clicking on this post to read it.

Thank you for checking the blog (if you still do!) thank you for supporting Discoveries of Self and most importantly thank you for supporting me.

I know things were a little quiet last year but I promise, I’m working on that 😉

Happy New Year To You and Yours!

Much love, Nat x

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